I recently wrote a story about dating, in which I give my friend James the Mechanic, the whole world, and myself, plenty of main street advice about dating.  I also felt it was a due homage to a friend who didn’t teach me much about dating, but did teach me quite a bit about the power of human spirit, and how far you can still go when you think you can’t go any further, particularly from an exhausted paraplegic’s mind stuck on a motorized wheel chair.

As a complement to that previous story, it was only fair that I published the profile I wrote then.  Now, if you are looking for love, good luck.  If you have a “searching for love” profile online, I hope that it works for you, and that it gets you to the person of your dreams.  I believe more in the face-to-face chemistry, but in this highly technological society of the future, that we are living today, the dating site will come handy.  But watch out, anyway, because online we all look perfect, and unlike in Vegas, what happens there doesn’t stay just there, but spreads everywhere, so careful with the new image you may be carving for yourself.  Most of all, if you think you want to have fun today, rethink the wording of your profile, and don’t include anything that your children tomorrow may have to drag as an antisocial burden for your silly compulsive indecent behavior today.

Nobody is perfect.  I know.  At least I know I am not.  But smart, well, you could be smarter than you are perfect.  Before you hit ENTER, use your second chance, re-read, edit, re-read again, and then go, happy sailing in the vast sea of love.

I say I’m not perfect.  True.  But what I am is me.  A little imperfect here or there, but a unique and wonderful human being, anyways.  Aren’t we all?  Self esteem is something they must have put in my coffee when I was little, but they must have put a ton, I don’t know.  There were times, as a child, or as a youngster, when I was more introspective, more retracted to a background position, perhaps looking for a better observation point.  There were many times when I was the A personality flagbearer, oh yes, many times, and often on the wild side or the ‘kids-behaving-really-badly-at-school’ side.  But my father and my mother always insisted that behaving badly was not acceptable.  Unless behaving badly came with a 100 grade.  (In La Lenin and Los Camilitos, in all secondary or high schools in Cuba, the grading system was based on a 100 point scale, 100 being excellent).

Oh, well, you may not get the 100 all the time, but if you do, hey, they won’t kick you out of school when you behave badly.  It’ll come handy when you grow up and have to behave a bit “manipulatively” in the chasing game of conquering a lover, or the love of your life.

This much I know:  I know that to be happy you first must be content with yourself.  So if you have a couple of extra pounds, or you have everyday bad hair, or you have a big, ugly nose, or you have small hands, or you are bald, or you have a very strident voice, or a strange curvature oo you back, or you snore like a pig, or whatever physical or moral virtue or defect or quirk it may be, in the end, you are who you are, and if you feel happy about who you are, the world too will eventually see you as the happy person that you are.  Period.

When you get to the last two or three paragraphs of this article, you’ll enter a more poetic realm, a medieval reference of sorts, with castles, and codes, and roads, and smoke signals, something is going on in there (smoke signal means pick up the phone, baby, got it?).  The number of codes, and mountains, and windows, and roads, etc., obviously, refers to a phone number.  Don’t think it’s so obvious though.  Most of the women who are in these dating sites don’t have time to be thinking about codes and bullshit.  They get home tired, feed the kids, maybe there’s an ex-husband who is an asshole, and she has to deal with him, maybe there are parents, or school, or the kids’ schools, and PTA meetings, and a whole lot of activity which is not making her all too happy.  So when she wants “action” she has no time for poetic shit.  Get with the program, or get out of my way.

This is the 21st century, and let me tell you, I know a couple of women like that, and I applaud their spirit, for all the sacrifices they have to put, just to get things going fairly well at home.  Meanwhile, the ex is scratching his balls in some sofa, not too many worries, a couple of more beers than he needs, and getting laid here and there without too much compromise with anyone, or commitment with his own children’s mother.  It is tough, and yes, sometimes it is unfair.  So when a woman is pissed off about all those things, who can blame her?  And when she wants to have fun, oh, I understand, she wants to have fun, and she doesn’t want the b.s. that sometimes happens after the fun.  Those not familiar with the dating scene, this situation is described as something like “single woman/man seeking single man/woman (variations allowed), no baggage, no commitment” or something to that effect.  If you don’t know what that means, that means, decent restaurant, couple of drinks, couple of hours chatting, if things go “chemically” well, fun part happens.  If not, start from zero the next night, with some other soul.

Now stop talking, dude.  Where’s the beef?

Alright, here it is.  This is the final version of the profile posted.  I don’t visit it too often, honestly, I didn’t really give up, I simply didn’t believe much on this kind of online pursuit in the first place.  I’m a pretty sociable guy, and very communicative.  Having worked in sales for a good portion of my adult working life, I don’t find it difficult at all to come and talk to a metro station guard in Cairo, Egypt, or a library attendant in Miami, Florida, or a college professor in Istanbul, Turkey, or an immigration officer in Havana, Cuba, now that’s a challenge, those guys down in Cuba, ha, that is a big challenge.  Anyway, you talk, you eat.  You talk, you go home, let’s say, not alone.  Sorry to be that blunt, but it’s the truth of the world.  If you are able to communicate ideas, someone in this world will recognize you may have some magic, and will play along, remember, she too, or he, wants to find the magic of love.  Do you have magic in your lips?   Time to show it…

If you find that some of my profile words don’t make sense, think that in an online world, free space is limited, and if you want more real estate for your story or your words, you have to pay for it.  So, in some cases, I have used abbreviations or shortened words in order to save a little space here and there, and be able to say more than if I had spelled all the words.

I have also used, with dramatic extremism perhaps, a series of poetic evocations, or literary references.  The woman I want to meet knows that “i.e.” means “id est”, a Latin phrase meaning “that is.”  If she doesn’t know it or doesn’t remember it well, she’ll look it up in the dictionary.  Ninety-five percent of those reading it will probably not even bother locating a dictionary.  The other five percent, a-ha, now we’re talking.  Remember, it’s not about the pleasures of the flesh, or at least, it’s not only about that.  It’s about all that, AND the magic of love.  Of course we all want fun, you know what I mean, “fun”, yes “FUN”, right?  But I/we want “fun” with class, with taste, let’s say, with magic.  Wouldn’t you?

The paragraphs that follow below (fiiiiiiiiiiiinally, dude), will say a little bit more about me. This is the profile I posted online for the exercise with my student, who later became my friend, an exercise itself that later became my official dating website profile.   Although I don’t discuss everything I am, everything I do, or everything I want, pretty much everything I say here is something I really am, I really do, or I really want.  Yes, given, in a much sweeter tone than if one missed the bus in the morning.

The original profile, now well polished, is accompanied by a few images with a short descriptive text for each.  It makes it spicy, more appealing, gullible for hungry minds and lonely hearts.  Enjoy !

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TELL US YOUR INTERESTS AND WHO YOU ARE, IN YOUR OWN WORDS

FOR FUN

In one word, TRAVEL. I enjoy intellectually stimulating conversations, discover different places every year, visit friends, savor a great dinner out. stay home w my lady, rent a movie, Haagen Dazs, little wine, hug, hm tasty, yummy… oh, the movie

MY JOB

I’m a warm soul with great sense of humor, yes, I laugh at myself. Life has taught me a lesson or two. Give, give more, you do get it all back, multiplied. I give support, laughter, happiness, friendship. I expect a loyal friend, a passionate lover.

MY ETHNICITY

Born in Havana, live in Miami, citizen of the world. Love to walk w my dog by the sea. Appreciate family, loyalty, freedom. Looks are great, but deep inside’s what I treasure most: a loving heart, warm, forgiving, willing, ready, a soul mate.

MY RELIGION

Grew up in Cuba, so not a whole lot of going to church. Go to a mass now and then, mostly am a spiritual believer. There’s so much peace in a church, you should hear the silence inside Notre Dame de Paris or in Cordoba’s Great Mosque. God is great!

MY EDUCATION

The old dream of attaining a doctorate or PhD (Philosophy Doctor), is proving to be extremely expensive, and not as productive as one would have thought, particularly in South Florida.  Still, it is a dream I continue to aim at, if not right now, maybe in a few years.  Paris maybe?  Oh Lord, I’m trembling…

..

FAVORITE HOT SPOTS

Key West. Barcelona, Paris, Cambridge UK pubs. Oh God, Havana! Madrid, day or night. Buenos Aires, Cuzco, Mexico, Mykonos, Athens, Rome, Florence, Efesus, Istanbul, Luxor, Egypt.

WHAT’S NEXT

China, India, Nepal, Jordan, Lebanon, Israel, Syria, Russia, South Africa, Australia, yeah mate

FAVORITE THINGS

An exotic dinner, warm island breeze or cold desert night, faraway, as long as FUN’s on the menu, get it? Love visiting/cooking for friends, a good action thriller@the movies, walk on a beach or old town, a balloon ride, oh yeah, that’d be something!

LAST READ

I could actually say ‘nothing’ but it occurs to me that I would immediately disappoint a gorgeous, intelligent woman who’s also cultivated.  So I’d say I’m reading or have read these:  El Espejo Enterrado, Carlos Fuentes; Geography of Bliss, great read; Super Capitalism, by Robert Reich, yes, this guy is totally left wing, but he is so right, just read him; love Garcia Márquez, Isabel Allende, Carpentier.  Read quite a bit about business and technology, because I teach these topics, but I also enjoy reading about politics, economics, general culture, and art history.  Favorite pastime: Barnes & Noble travel section

ABOUT ME – WHO I’M LOOKING FOR

Smart, caring, complete gentleman, a bit of a rebel with long hair and a great sense of humor. Enjoy rock & roll, Latin, European, Eastern, world music. I don’t look like Brad Pitt or a GQ guy, but rather, more like the expedition adventurer from National Geographic. I walk quite a bit, and exercise twice a week or so to keep physically fit. Can you imagine having to diet in Argentina or Brazil, with all that gorgeous beef and wine! Or Spain, France, or Italy!

Accomplished intellectually, but not a rich guy, far from that. Came to Miami as an immigrant 16 years ago with nothing, I have some today, not a whole lot, but enough “to make me/us” happy. Material possessions are not everything in life. Really! Good health, substance, friendship, happiness, are what really matters.

I feel great passion for a delicate fragrance, the music of life, a smile on my lady’s face any morning or night, a quiet tigress who enjoys the company of a discrete dragon; some pleasures in life are simply delicious… let your imagination fill in the blank.

You’ll need three o five roses… think. I love life, travel the world, friends, knowledge. If opportunity shows, I’d like to pursue a doctorate. We only have one life, so every time I can fly to a distant, exotic location, I try to discover new people, places, foods, fun. Intense, meaningful intimate experiences are also very important in my life, but “meat” without soul is just meat.

I want a true friend to walk together through the Great Wall, climb the Pisa Tower, swim in Zanzibar Beach, explore ancient pyramids, sail mighty African rivers and contemplate tall Patagonian glaciers. Nature is big on my list, so are your skin geography and your good heart.

Give me the opportunity to be friends, we’ll both see if we’re good for each other, no commitment.  I love writing, traveling, photography, web design.   Want to see pictures?  In my own website I’ve got hundreds.  Just follow these simple instructions.  Ready?  OK.  Write LETTERS, yes, the word ‘letters’ at, arroba (you know, look at the keyboard, your number 2 key), professor, tre lles, then hit enter. The search engine will do the rest.  If you like the pictures, then send an e-smoke signal, or leave a note, sort of, a stone tablet.

By the way, I also love dogs, I adore them.  Dogs, cats, horses, etc.   Ever heard of ‘he’s an animal person’?  Well, pleased to meet you.  I AM an animal person.  I love all animals.  Luna is a lovely canine angel who guards my castle and gives me more love than I ever thought I could get. She’s now in Cuba, I miss her.

Again, I’m thinking friendship first, an educated young woman with a passion for dining, good wine, merry evenings with friends, an intelligent conversation leading to the melting of four hungry lips, you and I covered with a luminous shower of stars on the roof of my apartment, or yours, witnesses to the forbidden Parisian flavors of white tea leaves over your naughty hips… Oh, Gee, hold on, the neighbors are watching!

No, it’s not about sex. If we thought it was all only about that, we missed the point. It’s about adventure, complicity, passion, eternity, nirvana, the supreme notion of “sinfully happy together.”

Look, the Sun is rising, 279 doors in the Da Vinci Castle in front of you, only thirty-one keys to try, you’re wise, patient, you’ll decipher the code, send a smoke signal to cross the eighty-five roads, we’ll get together in the magic mountain.

Neither one of us is perfect, you may be, but oh, surely I’m not.  In fact, I think perfection is often the enemy of the really tasty, the really amazing, and the really adventurous.

However, if we both want the same thing, let’s explore the jungle, let’s find the elusive, hidden treasure of love, TOGETHER.  Together sounds really appealing to me. In life, nothing comes easy, i.e., nothing SPECIAL comes easy. Let’s open our senses to the Magic Flute.

You’re a delicate orchid, I’m a complete gentleman. I’ll treat you like the fine lady you are, whether we end up in a serious long term relationship or not. Remember, good life and fun await. We’re alive today, so let’s celebrate the blessings of life. What do you say, could we be friends?

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So that’s it, that is the text of my profile at that online dating website.

To all who are looking, good luck.  It is a jungle out there, a jungle full of boys and girls, full of rainbow colors (no pun intended, although I love my gay and lesbian friends), and full of nasty, muddy potholes (no pun intended here either, although, yes, talk about dating, you are talking about holes in the heart, oh well, elsewhere too).

Oh yes, the jungle is alive and kicking and just getting bigger and bigger out there.  My impression is that you won’t find anything online that’s really worth your while any more than what you can find by searching in person.  But pursuing happiness any way you choose is a freedom we have and we should hold high.

What do you mean?  If you’re alone, there’s nothing wrong with that.  Listen, fun as fun can be, sure, you can find a lot of fun out there, but don’t forget that sometimes flying solo is–also–the best way to fly, depending on what you want at some stage of your life.  Then again, only sometimes.  Good luck to all lovers and all love-seeking souls.

One last thing, for the record: this profile had been inactive for over two years, after my friend’s passing, and since I never used it for the true purpose of dating–although I admit I browsed extensively through women’s profiles–in recent months, I finally took it off line.

In other words, I’m not really looking.  But thanks anyway.   Good luck to all in your love search!

..

Ricardo Trelles

PS  Juliette Binoche, Jennifer Aniston, Eva Mendes, Sophie Marceau, Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Connelly, listen up ladies, that last line does not apply to you.  Is that clear?  Good.   Alright, now, three zero five…